Mind Over Matter

I think in one of my previous posts, I spoke of getting myself out the door saying something to the essence of “I simply don’t give myself another option.” It would be really nice if it were that easy. But anyone who has trained for a marathon... or any race really... no, anyone who has run regularly for any purpose, knows that sometimes you just do not feel like running.

Even if you just took a rest day, and you’re not over-trained or overstressed, and you have plenty of time, and it’s about thirty degrees warmer than it has been in weeks.

Sometimes, you just don’t feel like running.

Today, I really, really did not feel like running. I had all day free and a 12-miler with what my awesome coach, Kim Loeffler, suggested be a “fast finish run... all easy with the last 3 miles strong” on my training plan, and the motivation of a sloth on NyQuil to get it done. I was even up early, unable to sleep. I was caught deep in the throes of a particularly “blah” case of the “blahs.”

I mapped out about 6 different possible routes that I could do to log my 12 miles on MapMyRun. I stared at them, adjusted them, trying to get one to speak to me.

“Me! Me! Run ME! We’ll have so much fun!” Nope. Not even a whisper.

I re-checked my training plan. Maybe I could postpone this longer run until later... maybe tomorrow. Ugh, but no, I wasn’t hurt or busy or anything. I had no good reason to do that and be one day less rested in preparation for my 16-miler on the agenda for next Monday. Plus, I won’t be able to choose how many miles I run... or where, for that matter, on May 24th.

After awhile on this train of thought I had spun myself into a cycle of guilt and imminent failure. Am I cut out for this? Do I have what it takes? Am I just mentally weak?!

It was then that something my grandfather sometimes says, jokingly, with an extra sparkle in his eyes and a voluptuous belly laugh to follow, surfaced in my mind.

“Oh, just pull your girlie pants up and DEAL with it!”

So, I pulled my running tights up and I dealt with it. I didn’t pick one of the routes I had mapped. I went where I felt like going and tried not to over-think it, with a rough guesstimate of how long this workout should take me in mind.

I won’t romanticize this and say that today’s run, while initially a struggle, turned out to be empowering, inspiring, or even good. It sucked. I was tired and the slush made me cranky and the time dragged. Those last three miles were definitely not strong. They were sluggish. But you know what? They were miles. And today was a day. And I’m still looking forward to the many days and the many miles that will feel so, so much better than this.

Looking forward, Coach Kim advised me to start including some faster workouts to my training regimen. Not only will this improve my form and, over time, speed; but also my mental capacity. Pushing myself to do harder workouts will give me the benefit later on of being able to look back when I’m struggling and remember that I can push through the pain. I’m kind of half-excited about this because I know it will help, and yet I have a deep-rooted hatred for speed workouts. My muscles are as slow-twitch as they come, so the memories I have of doing sets of intervals with various teams are full of me being slower-than-average. SInce I haven’t had a coach telling me to do them for awhile, I have stayed far away. I’m trying to consider it an exercise in expanding my comfort zone... and hopefully my running ability! We’ll see how it goes.

 

Until next time!