The end of training for week four I was kind of in a weird headspace. I’ve been having some difficulty while drafting this entry – it’s been written, deleted, rewritten, deleted, completely replaced with different material, and deleted again so many times now that I’ve lost count.
But I’m being extra picky about this entry for a good reason…and you’ll come to see why. Just trust me. It will all come together in the end. Promise.
**Cue the flashback sequence to go back to the year 2000 featuring whatever song happened to be most popular at the time**
***Better yet, just have that flashback sequence feature NIN because it goes without saying that I was listening to them – whether anyone else was or not, haha***
I know I said in my first entry that my relationship with running began with First Strides – which I guess is a true statement if we add the words “in my adult life…” to the start of it. For you see, back in the year 2000, I had a tiny fling with running during my junior year of high school. No, I wasn’t on the track team, and I didn’t do cross country or anything else that would officially label me as an athlete. I didn’t want to have any labels associated with myself – because…well…I was a teen. By law I had to hate having a label or risk being shunned by my brethren.
I’ll become the sky
And I’ll become the sea
And the sea will come to kiss me
For I am going home
Nothing can stop me now…
Ellane created a beautiful design for me based on the random bits I threw at her, and my tattoo artist tweaked it a little due to its placement on my body, but I absolutely love it.
When I got my tattoo my mother did not approve – she thinks it is too big and that “it’s not very pretty, but you’re the one who has to live with it…” She also said that she thinks my father wouldn’t approve either, but I like to think that he would/does. Sort of like when I was grounded in high school, but mom was at work and he’d still let me go out with my friends and he’d say “Just beat your mother home.”
The point is…
...Week 4 of training ended on the 16th anniversary of my father’s death. When running my 5 miles that night I was listening to The Fragile and thinking of him. Wondering what he would think about my training for this. Wondering if he would have been waiting for me at the finish line or if I’d have had to meet up with him at a bar – where I’d find him drinking a rum and coke. Wondering what he would think about a lot of the things that have happened to me since he’s been gone, really.
It was also during that run that I remembered that high school treadmill…and decided to share the memory with all of you.
So while it may have been kind of a rough night in the gym that night I just have to remember – nothing can stop me now…
I love and miss you daddy.
Until next time,